As its my birthday today, I thought I'd post a picture of Ethan on his birthday! What a sweetie - boy does that seem like a long time ago. He's almost tripled his body weight! I had a nice birthday - thank you to everyone who emailed and telephoned me your best wishes - very very much appreciated. :) It's not so bad being 35. And the best thing about today is the card my son got me for my birthday (with daddy's help, of course). I'm very lucky - and feel very blessed with the joys in my life. Very, very much. I couldnt ask for more with either of my guys. :) *love*

so tired

will write more tomorrow. You've not missed much - just roof building, of which more of is in store in the next few days. Its endless.

I'm going to bed. G'night.

yeah but...

Ok I've had 2 glasses of wine. And no dinner. And we're broke, with a tiny house, and a rambunctious but freaking adorable and 100% yummy special perfect 7 month old boy.

But for the first time EVER, I've had those yearnings. Already. Against all common sense...

I want another.

But, for now I'll keep this little yearning to myself. The timing isn't right. But more and more I deeply feel that one child isn't enough. Two. Two.

Two.

bang bang

Above me is the bang, scrape, twang and pounding of my father in law, husband, and cousin in law ripping 4 layers of shingles off of our roof. Soon, a huge BFI bin will be parked in front of our house to hold said ripped shingles and other rotting roof paraphanalia. Tomorrow and Sunday more uncles in law and a few other manly friends of Troy's will be swarming the bare skeleton of our roof and laying new plywood, shingles, and hopefully not broken bones, blood, or too many Coors Light cans. I asked Troy to foot the bill to allow Ethan and I a stay at the Empress for a few days to get away from the din, but surprisingly he said no. Huh.

Ethan seems pretty unfazed by the noise above him - but I wonder how he'll get through his afternoon nap in a couple of hours. Hopefully okay.

And later this afternoon I'm getting my hair "did" and coloured brown again. Because its Fall, and I'm tired of the root-maintenance highlights come with. Ethan's grandma will get to babysit for a couple of hours. Then home tonight for a glass of wine and early to bed as the boys will be here bright and early I'm sure.

Hope the rest of you have a more relaxing weekend in store!

I'm running out of pictures - this one is months old, but I don't think I've posted it before. He looks worried! And his cheeks are flushed from teething. But you readers haven't had a picture in a few days, so here ya go. My little punkin head!

well.

Today started with another meeting with another child care provider at another daycare. Went well - she's fine, the place is fine, the kids are fine. But that's it. Just fine. I want to get excited about where I leave Ethan for most of his day. But then, is that possible? Still searching, not ruling this one out, but still searching. We'll have more meetings with prospects in the next few weeks. Needless to say, I hate the whole thing.

Work's meeting went okay yesterday. First on the offer table is a half time position doing something I think I'd quite like to do, for about the same pay as I had (if not a tiny bit more per hour, but it will be half time so thus half a paycheque). Of course I'd love to only work 10 days a month, spending more time with my little one. Can we swing it? Not sure yet - my boss needs to email me some figures as to what my take home will be and then the number crunching begins. I think if it is a possibility, then money will be incredibly tight - tight like we've never seen it - but for me its worth it having Ethan here with me half the week. As long as our bills are paid, and that we could afford $300/month for p/t daycare. Will keep you posted. The alternative is that if I don't accept this offer they'll try to find me something full time, but it could be anywhere in the ministry, doing anything, and the chance of that anywhere or anything not being absolute crap is pretty small.

Roof building this weekend. We're doing it ourselves with free labour (relatives) but man its still costing us almost $4,000. Which we don't have. Horray!

And on Monday I'm 35. If its not this or that, its the other.

Now I must log off as my cherub wants to play with his mum :)

we need practice

This morning Ethan and I realize (well, maybe I'm the only one doing the realizing) that we need some practice and morning adjustments once I start work. As I mentioned yesterday, we have to be downtown by 10:30 for a meeting with my employer. Juggling breakfast (both of us), shower (me), dressing (both of us), makeup and hair (me), nursing (Ethan) and a couple of diaper changes (Ethan) before heading out the door within a 2 hour time frame isn't easy. I figure if I'll be dropping of E at daycare at 8:00 am-ish, I'll be getting out of bed at 6:00 or earlier each morning. I think my aim will be to be showered, prettied and dressed by the time he wakes up so that at 7:00 ish its only getting him ready for the day and some time together before we head out the door.

Its gonna suck.

Double the suckage when you think about the evening routine. Given that Ethan goes down between 7:30 and 8:00 pm, we'll be lucky if we get home by 6:00 pm with rush hour and picking him up from Daycare. So there will be a precious hour and a half to play, eat dinner, bath, story and nurse to sleep. I'm going to go through serious withdrawals. My biggest fear is that he will to. Its so not fair.

Anyway. Enough of my pity party.

So off to work we go for a meeting. I'll write all about it soon, if there's any news. To cheer myself up I'm using the opportunity to dress in real corporate wear because you know, as a new mum, I practically live in sweats, jeans and tees. I wanna wear sexy black pants and high heels. Ethan wont recognize me!

Ta.

its hard sometimes

Ethan and I have had a good day today. We just stuck around here and played and napped and fussed around. We needed a peaceful day because the rest of this week is pretty full and busy.

The last 2 nights have been heavenly as far as E's sleeping is concerned. I feel very thankful. Yes, we're still using CIO and while it seems to be teaching my little one how to soothe himself to sleep I have to say doing it by way of crying your eyes out is pretty hard on him (and especially me). He'll cry for maybe 5 minutes once I put him down (awake) at night, then he's out for sometimes 12 hours (can you believe it??) and wakes up happy and peaceful at a normal time in the morning. Its those 5 or 10 minutes at 8:00 pm at night that we both dread. Ethan knows its coming, when I lay him in his crib. And I hate it. Hate it.

Before CIO, I'd soothe him to sleep at bedtime (and through the night as needed) and put him into this crib asleep. Thus, he was not learning to fall asleep on his own - the whole point of CIO. Lately, he's so squirmy (but obviously tired) at bed time he wont lay or sit still for rocking, singing, or even nursing to sleep. So after a feed I'll put him in his darkened room and crib, put the covers over him as he starts to cry, pat his head and body and say "night night" "night night lovie" and leave the room while he wails like I'm never coming back. Then he finally settles. I just hope that one day that violent thrust into sleep will be a little gentler and something easier on us both.

Despite having humane sleeps myself at night (so amazing) I'm tired tonight. Troy's been working late a lot lately so I'm parenting solo for a while which is pretty exhausting when you don't have a break. With Ethan's earlier bedtime, Troy sometimes doesnt make it home in time to see him which is sad and frustrating. But not his fault.

Anyway - a busy week ahead, starting with a meeting with my employer tomorrow morning, and then with a possible daycare on Thursday. Both meetings I don't dread, per se, but I suppose I'm dwelling on what they signify: 3 months and I'm back at work full time.

Depressing enough to make me cry myself to sleep.

After a pretty good sleep last night, we're having a good day today visiting with Ethan's Nan and Nantie! And I got some new clothes for my birthday! Wooo! Tomorrow the Egyptian exibit at the museum. Should be fun :)

New Mums! Horray.

A good friend of mine who I met through my work has told me today that she's 4 months pregnant. I'm so happy for her and her husband! Yay, Fi! Congratulations. She's due on Feb 22nd - just a few days after Ethan's first birthday.

I'm so happy not only for Fi and her family, but for ME, as I need more friends with children! I look forward to the birth of her little one, and providing her with lots of support (and maybe even a bit of advice) as she goes through the joys and frustrations of motherhood.

Strange, too, the timing of Fi's pregnancy - pretty much a year exactly after mine. I saw her today, looking absolutely radiant and barely showing, in adorable maternity clothes, drinking her decaf coffee. That was me a year ago. Time flies. She has so much to look forward to - you can't really explain to new to be parents the magnitude of the life changes in front of them. How absolutely heart wrenching parenthood is. I'm so thrilled. :)

In other news, Ethan has consistently fought every nap today, and I don't anticipate a restful slumber for he or I this evening. I've gotten quite anxious about the whole thing - trying to find a balance between getting E's naps on schedule and consistent so that he'll be rested and sleep well at night, while trying to salvage a life of my own. I repeatedly feel kinda foolish when my friends (albeit childless ones) ask me "so what have you been up to?" and I look at them, dumbfounded, and just point to my son and say "uh, taking care of him". Its a full time job. Its TWO full time jobs. Actually, its 3, if you want to get technical on the 24 hour clock. Life revolves around Ethan - there is little time, energy or want for a life of my own right now. Am I the only one with a child this age? I know he can be a bit more demanding than some young children his age (Diva, MBB I"m looking at you). Don't people understand that?

Am I missing something?

Anyway. I made a kick ass roast beef dinner with mashed potatoes, au jus, brocolli and yorkshire puddings tonight. Its been ages since I made a roast. It was so juicy and nice and rare in the centre. Troy boy loved it. We're so glad he's home!

All for now. Nan Banane and Nauntie visit tomorrow! Horray!

Well the whole CIO thing has taken a huge step backwards with Ethan. After fighting his afternoon nap (all afternoon) he went down to bed just before 8:00 pm but was up crying from 1:30 until quarter to 4:00 am. I went in every 10 or 15 minutes, and could quickly soothe him with kisses and pats, but after I left it was all about the boos and the hoos. Finally he conked out and I tried to get back to sleep. Its amazing the kind of filth that's on tv at 3:00 am.

you know, I should hit a casino while this luck with Ethan's sleeping holds out!

I'm beside myself. Speechless. Jubilant. I feel like phoning everyone I know to tell them. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like my life has a chance of returning to sanity, normalcy, and I might even enjoy a return of libido! Very exciting times ahead. My wonder sleeper was down at 8:00 pm, awoke at 3:30 am for a whimper for mum, after a pat and a kiss, was asleep in UNDER 5 MINUTES, then woke up on time at 7:30 am for breakfast! I'm truly amazed, dumbfounded, and shocked. We slept last night! We SLEPT!!!!!

I forgot to mention that an important part of my day yesterday was to learn how to better disguise the dark circles and bags around my eyes due to sleep deprivation. This girl now uses heavy duty "anti gravity" eye cream, my regular yellow-based undereye concealer and this new airbrush concealer which I can now expertly apply in the inner corners of my eye sockets to have that wider-eyed look. I feel and look like a new woman, even if I had to convince Ali of it today at lunch. I think she was just drunk. :)

with the crying

I hate the crying it out. Ethan and I made it through our first CIO night - it was very, very hard. He went down at 8:00 pm to sleep; was up just before 11. I went in to him, kissed him and rubbed his tummy for a few minutes while he stayed in his crib, then left. Then the whining escalated to full blown sobbing - it was killing me! I'd go in every 10 minutes (ok 8) and do the same thing, leaving him in his crib but kissing him and stroking his tummy and face. Then I'd leave and he'd continue to wail. It took an hour, then he finally exhausted himself to sleep until 7:30 this morning. I on the other hand was awake fretting for a few hours.

It worked, thankfully, but I know we have a few or several more hard nights like that ahead before he's able to truly put himself to sleep. I'm just thankful that we only had to do that once last night - if he had awakened again later that night I don't know if I could have handled that again. Watching a bit of tv during the intervals helped a bit. And Ethan seemed to love me as much as always this morning when I got him out of bed for a cuddle at 7:30.

Today we lunch with Allison and Ryan. Mummy needs a margarita. Ole!

*sigh* More and more evidence and testimony of other new mommies with babies with sleeping problems are giving me the indication that I really need to give crying it out a good try with Ethan. I just can't go on this way anymore. The book I've been reading does advocate it in various forms - and suggests it as an option. I just don't know how I'm going to NOT be able to pick up my baby when he's really boo hoo'ing. I know it will be harder on me than him. But when sleep deprived I can be emotional enough without playing CIO games at 2:00 am for a few hours. But I'll try. Maybe not tonight, or even tomorrow, but soon. I'll try. For the good of us both.

Well Ethan's sleep abilities is going from bad to worse again. I think he had beginners luck the other day. We'll keep plugging away. To cheer my tired and sorry ass up today we're going to the mall between naps 1 and 2 (is this how I will measure the rest of my days?) to get mummy some new boots. And maybe a lipstick so as to qualify for the Clinique GWP at the Bay. And a hamburger. Yeah.

nap me baby one more time

Well, last night's sleep wasnt as good as the night before, but we can't be perfect all the time. We're really going to concentrate on Ethan's naps today to see if that will help for tonight. Thrilling blog information for you readers, I know. But I'm a mum on a mission! Besides, its cloudy and raining out - nothing else to do. Except nap. And read - but I can't do that unless the baby's asleep.

I've now gotten over 1,000 hits on this little blog - not bad for being only a few months old! I wish those of you who are reading from outside of Canada would post a comment to say hey and tell me a bit about yourself! Thanks for reading! :)

amen

Well it seems like an earlier bedtime is working wonders for our little man. Winding him down to fall asleep 30 minutes earlier than usual - before Ethan's overtired - really helps him sleep longer. Eight whole hours last night! Horray! I'm also making sure that he gets his naps in every 2 hours or so - to help combat fatigue. And no jolly jumping right before bed - which we thought would wear him out but in fact probably just wired him up. So much to learn about parenting - I'll never know it all!

Today is going to be a quiet one while I aim to read the paper while he naps and more of this sleep book I've been devouring. Tonight Troy and I are having a dinner date - just at the pub because we're scrimping our moolah for a new roof which they're building in 2 short weeks - while E's Grandma babysits. It will be an early night as I want to get Ethan home by 7:30 so that we can start our going to bed routine on time. Consistence is key when trying to enforce these habits!

Tomorrow T leaves for a week on business. Boo hoo. :(

Good ol' hockey game!

Its a rainy day - a perfect Saturday for the 3 of us to do something cuddly or fun together, but Troy's gotta work until later this afternoon. Yuck. He'll be away for a week as of Monday on business. Double yuck. So its just me and the kiddo this rainy Saturday. Who knows what we'll do? I feel a bit antsy to go out, but its raining too hard for a walk, and I don't have money for shopping right now. We need groceries - maybe I'll do a small grocery shop. How exciting.


Anyway - a new favourite picture here of my men - who as you can see share the same gorgeous smile as they root for the Canadian hockey team in the World Cup.

Lucky me :) *love*

edited to add: Ethan slept for 5 hours straight last night. The book is working. Hail the book!

Smiles all around because Hacienda's margaritas are goooooooood!

My squirmy wormy after his bath. I'm ready for sleep - he's ready to play! Good thing he's so cute.

*&^^$$^$##@!#$%

So anyway, Ethan just can't get passed the 3 hour block of sleep. Nor does he fancy going back to sleep in his crib after his middle of the night nurse back to sleep. I'm tired of spending 2 hours a night trying to get him to stay in his crib, so after my fruitless efforts last night, he came back to bed with me at 2:00 am and of course zonked out right away with his little hand on my arm.

The sleep book from yesterday's entry will hopefully teach me a few new tricks in the get him to sleep soundly in his crib and stay there arena. Trouble is, the book is like a kagillion pages long and what new mum has time to read in big chunks? Skimming doesnt seem to be working. I wish I could read and push the stroller at the same time ;)

Anyway, pictures developed, and are fabbo. Will scan them as soon as I can so my next post shows Ethan in all of his loveliness. Why he doesn't have bags under his eyes as well is beyond my comprehension.

too busy

Too busy to post much today. I'm feeling a bit better emotionally - and whatever was ailing me yesterday seems to have disappeared, thankfully. Ethan and I have already been to Costco this morning, and now before his meltdown escalates, its time for an afternoon nap.

His grandma is taking him for a walk this evening, which means I have an hour or so of me time (which I'll end up spending running errands, but still....). And time to read my newest baby sleep book which arrived today.

Will take in the film today so hopefully new(er) Ethan pictures will grace this site very soon!

sucks

I'm coming down with something, I'm sure of it. I've been feeling light-headed all day, and now I have a headache. Why why why why why?

If I'm right, this will be my first illness with a child to look after. How do you do it? Comments? Advice? Free babysitting?

Discuss.

dooce: The Other Side

dooce: The Other Side

Man do I ever relate to this post. Dooce speaks for me, once again.

I think we may have gotten an extra hour of sleep last night, but that's about it. Ethan seems to like sleeping on his side lately. Hope that's safe. While he's great at flipping back to tummy, he's not mastered tummy to back and I worry he'll get stuck that way in the crib. I guess I'll hear him if he gets uncomfortable.

Today is a lazy day - nothing on the itinerary; nothing to report. Perhaps a visit to London Drugs to drop off some film so I can post newer pictures here. The one above is from June or July!

*yawn*

I see I've titled another post with the same title. Shocking.

Yeah, Ethan's still not sleeping; still suffering from head congestion. I can stand a little tiredness - I mean, I'm pretty used to it by now. But after days and days of very little consecutive sleep (I'm getting about 5 hours a night, on average, which wouldnt be bad if those hours were in a ROW, instead of 3 hours, then 2 hours after 2 hours of trying to get a baby back to bed) I get a little anxious, depressed, and very impatient. I hate being impatient with Ethan, especially when he's not feeling well and needs extra hours in mummy's arms, extra snuggles, extra time.

I think another visit to the doctor later this week may be in order if his nose doesnt clear soon.

He's just having a little snooze IN HIS CRIB this morning (how's that for shock value??) and then we're going to go for a lonnnnng walk down to Walmart and back. Should take about 2 hours. I've got my trainers on. If he has another nap that would be excellent. And it will kill some time for me too.

On another note, I used to yearn for back to school this time every year since finishing university. I miss the brand new school supplies, virgin notebooks, pristine texts. I loved university. I miss the learning, the challenge, the reading reading reading. This year, strangely enough, I don't even have the energy to pine for school the way I used to. But I have fond memories.

Well his princely self seems to be stirring. I knew he'd not stay in the crib very long. You'd think it was a bed of nails or something. Looks comfy to me....if only I'd fit!

Don't let the picture fool you. This is one miserable little boy. I'm so tired I feel like a mental zombie. Please please please please please please please let him (me) get more than 3 hours of sleep in a row! Five, or SIX!!!!! would be devine. Please. Thank you.

bubba

my little one is still sick. He's having trouble with his sinuses and ears mostly - a decrease in appetite, dehydration, exhaustion. Needless to say that that doesnt leave me with much energy (or inspiration) to post much here.

Hopefully he'll feel better soon. Its been 2 weeks now since he caught this cold! Any advice from the other mums out there welcome.

This is a picture of my brother's gorgeous girl Sophie. You can see that Ethan's been giving her the come-hither bedroom eyes, the flirt that he is, and it looks like she's falling for it! Lady killer.

Its a gray day - but its okay because Ethan's Grandpa is coming to visit! Horray! So I've gotta go get ready. Ethan's still sleeping horribly - partly due to the fact he's still quite stuffed up. Poor guy. Poor me.

Just a quick picture today - gotta feed the kid. Its September. Jeez.